How to Talk About Death at Work

How to Talk About Death at Work

Knowing how to talk about death and dying is not always easy – sometimes, deciding when, how, and who to discuss your feelings with is hard. Discussing grief is especially difficult when you are dealing with death at work.

As we spend over 90,000 hours at work in our lifetime, balancing our professional and personal lives can be overwhelming when we face traumatic, challenging, or life-changing events. Some may find relief in the distraction of responsibilities or struggle to concentrate and complete tasks.

Even though everyone will experience grief at some point, the subject of bereavement is often seen as “taboo” in the workplace.

According to Marie Curie, 56% of employees would think about leaving the workplace if they were mistreated regarding their bereavement. Not only would this affect the individual going through a distressing time, but it would also likely have a negative knock-on effect on the team’s well-being and overall productivity.

Adopting and learning how to talk about death and dying in the workplace creates a culture of togetherness and boosts morale, productivity, and employee well-being. Here is how to spot the many faces of grief at work and simple steps to support your colleagues.

Spotting the Many Faces of Grief at Work

Before considering returning to work, speak to your employer to see if they have a Bereavement Policy that covers the time off you’re entitled to. Depending on your circumstances, you may be entitled to time off before your loved one dies.

There are many ways that grief can show up at work. For those returning to work, know you can ask for adjustments to ease back into responsibilities after time off for bereavement. If you sense that someone is struggling to come to terms with how to cope with grief at work, these may be a few signs to look out for.

• Exhaustion
• Restlessness
• Numbness or in a daze
• Emotional or regularly crying
• Unable to make decisions or react quickly
• Anger or irritability
• Increased alcohol or drug use
• Needing to excuse themselves and take regular breaks

Grief shows up in numerous ways and affects everyone differently. Remember to practice self-care and be kind to yourself as you navigate your week.

How to Cope with Grief at Work

Each employer should have their own bereavement policy or approach to handling bereavement leave. These guidelines can help you address how to cope with grief at work. Please address your employer and refer to your bereavement policy or contract to see what you are entitled to.

• Take a break: Grieving is not easy; everyone handles it individually. Know that it is ok to step back and take some time away from work. Whatever emotions you are experiencing, whether anger, sadness, hopelessness, or sheer exhaustion, taking time off can help you to be aware of your feelings.
• Find a safe space: If you are working in the office, plan breaks, find areas to decompress, and map out your route to exit if necessary. Some days will be harder than others and having a space/s where you can breathe privately is helpful.
• Flexible working: Create a workable return to work plan with your employer and discuss your feelings. Flexible working adjustments could include different start and finish times, working from home, or changing hours, which could be beneficial to your productivity and managing your emotions. If you are working in the office, perhaps you could ask for a preferred method of contact and collaboration.
• Manage your expectations: Your productivity is not always 100%, regardless of difficult life events. If you are trying to cope with grief whilst working, speak to a member of staff to let them know that you are finding it hard to concentrate and discuss your workload.
• Assert boundaries around the topic of grief: Sometimes, you may want to have open and vulnerable conversations with colleagues surrounding the loss of a loved one. However, others prefer to keep the conversation confidential and speak honestly and openly when returning to work solely with their employer. It is essential to find the support network that works for you, and you can always ask to see what additional mental health and well-being teams are available from your employer.
• Communicate your needs: Do not assume everyone in the office knows your circumstances. Permit yourself to be open to colleagues that you trust and talk as openly or as briefly as you feel comfortable with. Even if you do not want to go into detail, this could be the opportunity to ask for adjustments or communicate how you will be working temporarily.

How to Discuss Death and Dying at Work

• Use inclusive language: Using direct and inclusive language helps to foster a safe space and encourages a greater sense of belonging. Avoid euphemisms or phrases that may be hurtful or insensitive. All ages, faiths, religions, and cultures will experience grief.
• Stay aware of the many faces of grief: As stated above, grief manifests itself in several ways. Keep an eye on your colleagues and offer your support and active listening.
• There is no set timeline for grief: Be aware of the triggers that affect grief – specific dates and anniversaries and the time after the funeral. Anyone who is dealing with death at work may need long-term support and check-ins to ensure no employee feels isolated or alone.
• Flexible communication: Some employees may be dealing with death at work but are working remotely. Working from home and dealing with grief can be isolating, and it is easier to avoid the topic of losing a loved one. However, a virtual message or video call can help to reconnect. As stated above, communicating how you would like to get in contact can help.
• Provide little gestures: Let people know you are here if they need/want to chat, and if you know they’re going through feelings of grief. If you are worried about saying the wrong thing or whether your colleague wants to chat at all, start small. Why not bring over a cup of tea and a biscuit to let your colleague know you are thinking of them? These little gestures can help your colleague to feel included.
• Be mindful: Try to avoid phrases such as “I know how you feel”, “time is a healer”, or “they’re in a better place”. All these phrases can feel minimising or confuse the person grieving, making them question their feelings. Instead, offer them a safe space to talk and listen carefully.

Coming to terms with grieving and deciding how to talk about death and dying can be complex. However, by fostering an open dialogue and offering support to colleagues during times of loss, we can create a culture of empathy and solidarity that helps us navigate these challenging conversations with grace and compassion.